We see it all too often… at first, you feel the magic of love, the sensations of bliss, maybe even some fireworks from that first kiss (or maybe not), but slowly and surely red flags start to pop up.
They may have a ton of fears, like fear of sharks who kill fewer people than lightning bolts, or maybe they’ve been abandoned and fear more abandonment so they never commit or jump from relationship to relationship.
They may be really selfish and feel entitled to be hand fed by the world, you know… the old pretty face discount or PFD for short. I had my share of these broken beauties who expected me to dive to them, pay for them, pray for them and read their mind when they were ill and wanted more attention.
Or hey, they may have extreme religious beliefs that delude them to believe anyone who doesn’t believe what they believe is going to hell. Boy if this one were true, heaven would be a lonely place and hell would be one big party.
However the red flags show up, one thing is for certain, if you and your partner don’t have compatible capacities it just won’t be sustainable. The key here is that these red flags are a direct indication of a persons capacity and amount of fears.
If for instance, your partner has a ton of fears and you have very little, you’ll always be the teacher, the leader, the father (whether or not you’re a man or woman) and you’ll feel more of a paternal relationship rather than a romantic relationship.
Not only do low capacity people have challenges with a lot of fears, but they have deep insecurities and find it even more difficult to self reflect, be honest about their shortcomings, own them and work on them. And if someone has no interest in working on themselves why in the hell would they have the desire to work on your partnership? That’s right… they just won’t.
So how can you avoid wasting time with someone who may eventually turn out to be in the dating down category?
First and foremost is to get clear about what you want and what doesn’t work. In all my books I share a formula called “The Clarity Model”, which allows you to get really clear ahead of time so once those fireworks go off you don’t get sucked in and hypnotized by the chemicals of infatuation.
Once you get really clear about your deal makers and deal breakers, when those red flags arise, you’ll pay closer attention and more importantly stop wasting your time with someone who will never step up to your level.
Guys if you are single I recommend checking out my Five Step Dating Course which will guide you step by step through the clarity model and every other step of the dating process so you’re not flying blind anymore.
And ladies, check out Online Dating for Women, which again helps you get really clear and stop wasting time with the wrong guys.
Best of luck on your dating journey!
Chad Scott – Founder Get Compatible
