This could be one of the most difficult questions in life to answer, but also one of the most important questions to address and
here’s why. Your intimate relationship is arguably the source or your greatest joy in life and your deepest pain. As humans we are hard wired to need companionship and intimacy or we feel like we are going to die. Literally, its called failure to thrive syndrome to children who don’t get enough tactile stimulation and for us adults like it or not it still lingers on.
Of course this failure to thrive without intimacy gets in the way of breaking up with someone who really isn’t compatible with you or just doesn’t have the capacity to keep up with you, which brings us to… when to break up. There are a few factors to look at when your relationship is heavily strained and you’re thinking about jumping ship. As you read below, think of how these may be present in your relationship.
Its a Capacity Issue – Basically if you and your partner are bumping heads because one of you consistently wants to learn and grow and and the other doesn’t then you’ve got a capacity issue. This could manifest in one of you discouraging the other from doing things that create growth or allow for independence like going out with your friends one night and going dancing or going to a Tony Robbins Seminar on personal growth.
Its a Compatibility Issue – While compatibility could be related to capacity its typically a problem with life preferences, like one person is physically active like myself and loves to surf, ski, rollerblade, hike, bike, etc., while one of my ex girlfriend’s exercise preferences where restricted to yoga and had no interest whatsoever in anything else. Or compatibility could show up in your preferences for what you do with your time, like reading books as opposed to watching a lot of television. A couple incompatible things are typically surmountable, but once you stack 3, 4, 5 and more incompatible preferences it can weigh heavily on the relationship and possibly end it.
Its Chemistry or Lack Thereof – If you and your partner have been together for a while and the juices ain’t flowing, you don’t feel the urge to hug or kiss or have sex, you may simply have a lack of chemistry or attraction. This could be from many things like one of you got really lazy and stopped exercising and blew up like a balloon. Once again if this is the case, it usually takes a few of these stacked on top of each other to break the relationship.
What’s the Solution?
The solution to all these problems is first a values alignment session with each other or if possible with a professional. I’ve provided this service for the last 3 years for $500 per couple, but decided to create a book and course that explains how to align your relationship and fix just about any problem. But keep in mind, a values alignment will also tell you very clearly and without doubt if you should end it. Check out 5 Step Dating Formula + 5 Bonuses, which offers Values Alignment for Couples as a bonus HERE.
