Most of us have fallen prey to the trap of being with the wrong partner. Hypnotized by the “Need” for love and sex we find 
ourselves powerless, jumping into any relationship we can, which a majority of the time ends up being a prison cell relationship where we are virtually tied to a ball and chain.
Believe me, I say “we” because I’ve been chained up several times and wasted a good 10 years of my life. Yeah, I learned some important lessons, but I would have much rather spent those years with someone I was really compatible with. I’m sure you can relate to this on some level.
Whether you’re in your 20’s and just want to date or in your 50’s and want to get married, this step in finding your match is the most important. If you don’t get this right, it doesn’t matter who you meet, how attracted you are to them or how attracted they are to you, eventually, there will be pain and most likely, an eventual breakup.
In this first step we will set you up for success by getting clear about what it is that you really want, what you’re willing to do to get it and how to apply this to your overall marketing plan. Remember, according to top success and coaching experts like Anthony Robbins, T Harv Eker and Christopher Howard:
BIG TIP = “The #1 Reason Why People Don’t Get What They Want” Is Because They Don’t Know What They Want.”
Reticular Activating System
The importance of getting clear cannot be understated and functions hand in hand with our internal homing device called the “reticular activating system” or RAS, which is an actual set of nuclei connected in the brain. The RAS works in conjunction with the law of attraction where we attract what we think about, but its not a secret, it’s a real portion of your brain that’s been studied extensively.
For example, have you ever bought something like a car or a jacket and thought it was super original, and then you started seeing it everywhere? This is the RAS in action. It automatically seeks out whatever you focus on and brings it to your attention. Its not that the car or jacket wasn’t in front of you before, its that now you are looking for it.
Attraction Is Overrated
Ok so lets dispel any myths you may have heard from so called “dating coaches” that all potential matches will be uncontrollably attracted to you if you just follow their attraction building strategies, say all the right things, have all the right moves, bla bla bla.
People are different and It doesn’t matter how rich, famous, handsome, beautiful tall, smart, suave, funny or hot you are, if your deeper underlying values and beliefs don’t match up to your potential match’s values, you won’t be compatible. Plain and Simple!
If you aren’t compatible then it doesn’t matter how attracted you are to them or they are to you, you will never have a healthy, happy, long-term relationship with this person… NEVER!
But what about attraction you say, isn’t being attracted the most important thing? Attraction is indeed important, you must be attracted, but trust me on this one. You can go read the top 10 books from relationship experts and they’ll all tell you the same thing:
BIG TIP = Attraction Is A Poor Indicator Of Long-Term Sustainability
For example, lets say Jenny is really attracted to a blond haired man who is around 6’1” and looks fit. So she finds her RAS constantly looking for these men and attracting the same type over and over, but in the end, it never works out.
This is a common scenario. Jenny is clear she wants a fit, blond haired man about 6’1” so why do these men never work out? In reality Jenny always had at least one major value conflict in each of her prior relationships with blond men who were around 6’1”. For instance:
- He loved to be outdoors and surf but she loved to be indoors and read books
- He loved beef, lamb and chicken but she was vegetarian
- He never drank alcohol and she loved to get wasted three nights a week
- He was a strict Hasidic Jew and she was Atheist.
- She was a giver and he was a taker.
Can you see where this is going?
BIG TIP = Values And Beliefs Override Attraction And If You Can’t Align Them You’re Screwed.
Make sure you get clear about what you really want and just as important what you don’t want. For more online dating tips for women and to get the full low down on the “The Clarity Model” and see it in action when integrated into an online profile check out our Best Seller Online Dating for Women – The Quick Notes (With Game Changer Quick Tips)
